Progress...

I fear the title of this post may be a little misleading in implying that I have actually made some progress. The short answer is, I haven't.

Which is kinda disheartening...

I don't really know where to start when it comes to getting my writing out there. I'm not grabbed by any subject matter at the moment. The nation seems gripped with Swine Flu which is mainly ridiculous panic-inducing, scaremongering (although for those suffering and those who lost people in Mexico, most serious.) and I'm not particularly inspired to write about that. I have trawled the net for writing competitions but most of them are for fiction, I struggle when it comes to writing fiction: I just don't have the ability to maintain an imaginative idea or stretch it beyond a few loosely related thoughts.

On the audition front, since my application to Economy Gastronomy, nothing more has come up.

Another factor that has affected things is that on Tuesday, I lost my job. I had been signed off sick anyway with Bipolar-related difficulties so haven't been working but I recieved a letter saying that my position had come to an end. In many ways it wasn't a problem: I didn't like the job if I'm honest and have been dreading going back. But still, it felt safer having a job than not. I was dismissed because of the 'business strategy' and not because of my performance, but it is very difficult not to feel down and out as I become another victim of the recession.

In some ways it has given me insight into the troubles so many must be facing and why it has become such a focal point for the media. When your on the outside you can be fatalistic and shrug it off, you can sympathise with people but reassure yourself by saying that 'it will pass' or 'it has happened before but we survived then'.

The reality, unfortunately, is a lot harsher. When you are actually having to think about your bills and paying the rent, without having the safety blanket of a guaranteed pay packet, you can easily feel completely helpless and out of control: what do you do? You can get up everyday, look for a job and apply for everything there is BUT if you don't get anything, that's it! You just get up and do it again the next day. It feels disheartening and permanent and for me it's only been 3 days! How long will it last, no-one can say. It's not great for one's motivation either, it is tempting to just crawl under the duvet or read or watch the Tv because there feels like little else.

Not a great week for my quest, I do think that I should just keep on writing articles though: if I am uninspired maybe I need to start picking random subjects from newspapers or asking people to post ideas to write about, if it comes from somebody else it wil stretch me more which wouldn't be a bad thing.

So, I must keep my chin up and stick to my quest: at least it gives me structure at a time when I feel that my life is starting to resemble Jelly...